"Our Internal Critic"

As we grow up, we attach meaning to what happens to us. Labels, misunderstandings, and hearsay become imprinted within our brain as fact when as children we are unable to discern fact and reality from fiction. In the process, we construct an “internal filtering system” that screens out anything that doesn’t follow the beliefs we form about ourselves, our world, and other people. These perceptions, attitudes and biases become fixed and rigid and persist over time.

This “internal filtering system” takes the form of a dialogue – an internal conversation we have with ourselves, 24-7. It is a “voice” that only you can hear and control. This voice becomes your “internal critic”. It is reactive, poisons your self-concept, sets up unfair comparisons and becomes a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy. It shouts to us when we are under pressure or stressed filling us with doubts, anxieties and self-defeating messages. Because our internal critic is so toxic, it has a profound impact on our physical as well as our mental self – your entire physiology is changed and altered. Over time it has a life diminishing effect.

Why is it important for us as adults and Christians to understand how we construct our world as children? Because even though our perceptions and filters are a product of our past experience, we drag them with us into the present and unconsciously act upon them every second of every day. We judge the present based on some event in the past that is over and done with. We judge people we meet today based on what others have done in the past. We respond not to what happens to us, but our perception of it and we don’t stop to test whether our perceptions is fact or a distorted filter that has created a distorted view of the world and ourselves. Our relationships suffer: with others, with ourselves and with God.

How do we discern between a toxic internal critic and conscience? Because an “internal critic” judges us – not our behaviors. We can never do enough or be good enough. Conscience discerns right from wrong.

Become aware of your internal critic. What is it saying to you? As adults and Christians we need to challenge old beliefs and ways of thinking that keep us from experiencing the love of God. We see God as the stern, unresponsive dad we had as a child; we continue to drive ourselves to be worthy of God’s love; we don’t see how God could possibly love that man or woman on the street. We judge people rather than behaviors. God’s love is unconditional – we can’t earn it. An “internal critic” keeps us from accepting it because of the unchallenged internalized messages of the past that whisper we still have to earn His love. We are sinners but we rejoice in that we are redeemed. If we can’t accept His grace and unconditional love we can’t extend it to others either.

Challenge your internal critic. Tell it you won’t put up with toxic messages. Replace it with love notes from God – they are all over the Bible. If God loves you, how dare you not love yourself and others as well?

Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

copyright 2010

Novel Craft Workshop ~ Research

None of us starts out knowing how to research. Even masters like Liz Curtis Higgs and Lena Nelson Dooley had to start somewhere.

But where?

When faced with the task of bringing an entire fictional world into being, it’s easy to feel confused and intimidated. Don’t despair. After researching thirteenth-century Europe as the basis for my Tales of Faeraven trilogy, I’ve developed a simple way to organize for research. It had to be simple for me to keep track of my notes.

Start by identifying the possible domains, or subjects, you’ll need to learn more about. Some of these are givens: weather, geography, dialects and customs, for example. Others, like warfare strategies, political trends and popular attitudes are a little more abstract. You probably won’t identify all your domains in the beginning, and that’s all right. Your research will uncover new things to learn about.

Sort through your brainstormed domains and whittle them to the necessities only. Narrow your focus. For instance, a writer with a story about miners during the California Gold Rush need only gain an overview of the political scene in the eastern states with specifics on matters of importance to miners. You’ll want an overview of the time period for your story (even if it’s set during modern times) specific to your location. 

I entitle a domain “timeline” to keep track of major events that would probably touch my character’s lives. For instance, a story set in New York in the spring of 1912 should probably mention the sinking of the Titanic.

My work in progress is set in 1861. Although my story is set in the West, the outbreak of Civil War impacts my characters.  I therefore have a domain entitled “Civil War Timeline” and one called “Civil War in the West.” I won’t spend too much time on the timeline, just enough to gain an overview of events that run parallel to my story. I’ll focus more on the “Civil War in the West” domain, since it is more relevant to my story.

Action Step

Follow the directions above to brainstorm your domains. Now put together a binder with a separate tab for each domain. Meet back here next Tuesday for the next step.

Know Why

Are you carrying others, or are they carrying you?

A great blogging job would help stabilize the family finances while allowing me to continue home schooling the boys. It might even make it possible for my husband to return to building his drama ministry instead of working second shift at the local chicken plant (not exactly what he thought he was going to be doing).

Last week, I signed up for the Good Mood Gig2 – writing a daily blog on things that keep me in a good mood (shameless plug – you can vote for me by following this link to the Good Mood website and clicking the vote button).

I jumped in with both feet – sending Facebook announcements, emails and tweeting. I have learned so much about platforms since the last time they held this competition and I have done a lot to build my platform over the months as well. I was ready.

Monday morning, I commented to another writer that also entered that it would be interesting to see where I was in my writing journey if I put the same amount of effort in the other things I was doing, or supposed to be doing.

A pile of testimonies, articles and even a poem or two sit next to my computer waiting for my review. Three books are tucked into my shelf waiting for me to read and to share. My own book has gone hoarse from calling out to me each morning. Now I have a bible study to complete and then condense to share with the church. There is a lot on my plate.

But I am spending my time tweeting, emailing and begging people to take time out of their day to help me. This morning I realized that I am working for the wrong thing.

I sent out my last notice just before starting this post. It was a Facebook event notice. I have no idea how they actually work, but I got it done. My energy will be returned to the things that I have been led to do and that touch the lives of others. It is not about working for me, instead I have to work – in all things – as unto the Lord.

Finding the Right Things

1. Does the thing that I do lift up someone else?


2. Can the person I touch return the favor?


3. Is the focus of my actions myself, or is it the people that are around me?


4. Why am I doing what I am doing (anything not from faith is sin)?


5. Will the action draw me closer to my passion and my purpose or is it a distraction from the things that I am called to do and be?


6. Is my time investment worth the return?

Pursuing new opportunities can be the way to motivate me into more than I imagined possible. I just have to find a way not to let those opportunities become my idol. Keeping the balance starts with listening to that still, small voice and allowing Him to be the guiding force in all the actions of my day.

Are you distracted or focused?

Let this day begin the start of a journey that is led step by step by the One that created the story!

Healing Memories - The Power of Labels

"Fatty, fatty. . . or "Cry Baby" or "Teacher's Pet..." are some examples of comments we hear on the playground. Repeated, descriptive and heavily emotional laden words cut deeply into our self-concept. These "labeling" comments are judgmental, accusatory and painful and sink deep within our consciousness becoming a part of our identity. Because these "labels" make us feel ashamed, we keep them hidden, reluctant to let others know just how "bad" we are. We not only believe they are true, but we begin to act in ways to make them true. In this way, labels become a prediction - a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But who says they are true? Because they were thrown at us by taunting kids struggling with their own identity and desire to be accepted, and our inability to discern their merits as children, we accept them as truth. As adults we continue the judgmental process because we have never stopped to question their validity and are often unaware that it still remains such a driving force in our lives; even as Christians.

It's not only on the playground that we receive negative labeling. Descriptive comments from parents and family become an indelible mark against our identity and worth. Words such as lazy, stubborn, stupid, shy, irresponsible, belligerent, etc. become the fiber of our being. Sometimes the "labeling" are innuendos, comparisons or innocent remarks but which indicate in some way that we are damaged, not good enough, and will never be good enough. They tell us there is something defective about who we are that can't ever be fixed. And we spend a lifetime as adults trying to overcome it, or trying to please a parent that never gave us praise or recognition, or hiding in the shadows because we are convinced we can't ever measure up to the standards that were unrealistic.

Children learn to live up to their labels. It is only the labels that diminish our sense of self that are destructive. As adults we maintain our labels because we have become comfortable with them; we don't have to challenge our thinking, work to change, and can remain a legitimate victim. But also attached is fear of being something even worse should we give them up.

How do you label yourself? What labels did you grow up with? Who gave you that label? When did you accept it as your own? What truth is there to it? Are you still trying to please a parent who is no longer in your life by being an overachiever, a workaholic, or hanging onto unrealistic goals? Are you trying to please everyone around you because you were not able to please your caregivers while growing up? What payoff do you receive by keeping those irrational and destructive labels in place? Do you still want to keep them?

Next week we will continue gathering information so we can make the changes in our lives that will not only heal our past, but will energize the future - as writers, speakers, and leaders for God.

Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

copyright 2010

The Only "How to Write" Lesson You'll Ever Need

We've completed the first segment in Author Haven's Novel Craft Workshop. By gracious permission of the author, I've re-posted his keen observations about writing and writers. Thanks, Michael! 

I’ve met a lot of folks asking eager, “newbie” type questions. And as much as I hate anything that reeks of “the answer” or “ten easy steps” or any kind of “secret ingredient,” I do indeed know most of the answers, all of the steps, and many of the secret ingredients.

I realize I should be charging big, big bucks for this. But I’m feeling kind of charitable today. So here goes…

#1 You must love to read. Every minute that you’re not reading something should include at least fifteen seconds (or more) of wishing you could be reading. (Listening to audio books counts.)

#2 You must want to write more than you want to be a writer (or want to have written).

#3 You must write. A lot. More than you think you need to. A million words is a good starting point.

#4 You must find time to read more and write more…and then find time to do even more of both.

#5 You must learn to juggle total confidence with abject humility. (It helps to be both fearless and terrified too.)

#6 If publishing is your goal, get a new goal. Writing better is the only goal. Don’t write for markets or toward trends. Don’t write for your spouse or your enemies or your mother. Write for the page; that’s it.

#7 You must actually care…care enough to read and to write while everyone else is watching TV…care enough to change your schedule and get your work done…care enough to fake confidence when you need it and stare down fear when you can’t…and you must care more about the words on the page than what other people think about them. If you don’t care, no one lese will. And if you do care, most people still won’t. You have to care enough to overcome all that nonsense.

#7.5 Do NOT take my word for it.

Extra credit: Learn the art of napping. Unless you sell a million copies…and you probably won’t…you’re going to need it. And if it bums you out that you probably won’t sell a million copies, go back to step one and start over.

Extra extra credit: Despite that last sentence, be prepared to have to go back and start over every single day. I certainly do.


Michael Snyder lives in Spring Hill, Tennessee, with his lovely wife, four amazing kids, and three iffy dogs. He studied music in college and played guitar professionally for many years. Please check out his novels...My Name is Russell Fink and Return Policy.


What do you think of Michael's "How to Write" Lesson? 

Know You to Understand Passion

Just when I think I have everything figured out, something else comes along and stirs up the waters or twist me around. What was clear just yesterday seems a little dazed and confused this evening. Now I need to back up, regroup and re-evaluate the passion that God has planted in my heart.

Last week I wrote about the first steps to discovering your passion. This week the process moves on to understanding who the real you may be. I am created by God to be more than I can think or imagine, but I usually try to stick myself in the same (but smaller) box I try to stick God.

Genesis 1:26 “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

The sooner I accept my position as ordained by God then the easier it will be to find my path (or rediscover that path) to passion.

1. Look deeper than the mirror and begin to take inventory of the you that God created. Remember that we are each “the likeness of God” and that everyone called by His name was created for His glory and formed and made specifically by His hands.


2. Get advice from people that you trust. Ask others what potential they see in your life. Get them to write down where they see your passion shining through – and why! The Book of Proverbs tells us to “listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.”


3. Listen to the words of others. People do say things just out of spite or even out of habit, but there may also be some truth to the words. Examine the things that others say you are good at doing or that other people call on you to do.


4. Dare to dream. What would you do for others if you knew that there was no way you could fail and money was no object? What would you like to do before your time here ends? What are the things that inspire you, ignite you and motivate you to do or be more? Write out your dreams – without limits or reasons – and see where those dreams begin to lead.

Because of my Father, my boundaries go beyond the limits of this world. To understand my passion, I have to remember that I am only a visitor and not a resident. God calls me to a place that HE provides and is the provision. It does not matter who I am as long as I remember WHOSE I am. Settling into this knowledge will lead me to the place I am called to be.

DC #15 - Healing our Memories

In my workshop, "Turning Your Gravel Pit into a Beautiful Garden", healing of memories is a vital step in bringing peace and beauty to our lives. As the wounds of life dig deeply into our spirits and minds, even with acceptance and letting go of trying to force change, we are left with experiencing those wounds once again. As we look at the landscape of our lives - the toxic words, the boulders of scar tissue, the doubts, fears, hurts and pains experienced throughout childhood and as adults - we might have an incredible urge to quickly turn our backs on the past so we don't have to "feel" it again.

But turning a raw and abused background into something beautiful requires that we do go back to begin the restoration process. The stream of toxic words heard and interpreted in our childhood to mean we were worthless can no longer be contained or ignored, but need to be revisited and reversed into beautiful reflective ponds and quiet moving streams of understanding. Healing always begins at the point where the wound was made.

The first thing an architect designing a garden wants to know is what is there. What is the land like now? What is the condition of the soil? What has to be removed? What can remain to become a beautiful feature that will make this garden unique? When we take that same analogy and apply it to our lives, we also need to get good information:

• What labels were placed on us by others that judge, restrict and predict a negative self-fulfilling prophecy


• What internal messages filter out positive information and distorts reality


• What rehearsed, repeated and habitual "tapes" continue to play becoming an internal critic


• What truths have you accepted about yourself, others and your world that have become rigid and inflexible beliefs restricting your freedom to make new choices


• What life scripts continue to dictate the roles we "must" remain in even when they are not appropriate for us today

All through life we go from one stage of development to another. At each stage we have the opportunity to grow and develop - to reach a higher level of understanding about ourselves and the world we live in. As you become the architect of your own garden, this becomes one of those times that you can gain a new perspective of your life and a new interpretation of "me".

In the upcoming weeks, we will take the components of our lives and re-frame them, turning them into assets in your life. All of us experience life crushing experiences as children that still have a huge influence in our adult life. When we begin to heal those memories we can turn them into something positive and are on the way to designing a beautiful garden of our lives.

Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

copyright 2010

Novel Craft Workshop ~ Basics: Creating a Tagline

Ever try to bite into a burger so large it threatened to dislocate your jaw? Chances are, you cut that sandwich down to size. Although delicious it was just too hard to eat.

In the same way, agents and editors -- not to mention readers -- need to bite into your story in small, easily digested portions. Grab the reader with a tantalizing tagline.
When creating a great tagline (also known as a teaser), make it:

• Brief - Don't go longer than a sentence.
• Memorable - Make it catchy.
• Intriguing - Catch your reader's interest.
• True to your story - Don't promise what you don't deliver.

Examples

Story Problem: A grieving widow longs to find happiness again (desire). When a suitor presses her with his attentions (problem), she must let go of the past (cost or risk) in order to realize her goal (solution).

Theme: Is it possible to find happiness by letting go of the past?
Pitch Sentence: A young widow wants to take a chance on a new suitor but what will it cost her to let go of the past?
Tagline:  Holding on sometimes means letting go.
Story Problem: A teenage boy whose father was murdered wants to make sense out of his father's death (desire). When he discovers the identity of his father's killer (problem), he must set aside his desire to seek revenge (cost or risk) in order to forgive (solution).
Theme: Does revenge make sense of murder?
Pitch Sentence: A teenage boy whose father was murdered faces a life-and-death decision when he discovers the identity of his father's killer. 
Tagline: Does murder justify murder?
Story Problem: A young girl who wants to fit in (desire) encounters a bully in a new school (problem). When she faces her fear and confronts the bully (cost or risk), she discovers the bully's cowardice and gains the respect of her classmates (solution).
Theme: Will facing our fears diminish them?
Pitch Sentence: When a bashful young girl enters a new school, she doesn't count on having to face down a bully.
Tagline: Facing a bully wasn't part of her curriculum.

Action Step

Create a tagline for your novel. Post it, if you like, in the comments. 

Is Your Writing Redeemed?

He was a prophet of God, a receiver of visions and called to proclaim the truth. Yet, when Isaiah is in the presence of God he cries out, “Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty” (Isaiah 6:5).

Isaiah had come to a crisis. Uzziah the king had died. After fifty years of godly leadership in Israel, the prophet is caught in the whirlwind of a nation gone awry. With Uzziah gone, the nation is brought into a tumultuous time that the prophet was called upon by God to address. But something needed to happen before Isaiah was ready for such a challenge. He words needed to be redeemed.

Consider what Isaiah said. He declared that he was a man of “unclean lips.” What? He was a prophet of God. He had the best “lips” in town! But that is the exact place that needed to be redeemed, purged of sin in the purifying fires of God. In the chaos, God called for someone to go for Him (v. 8) and because of the cleansing work that happened to Isaiah, he was ready to respond, “Here am I, send me.”

Is your writing redeemed?

Look around the country today and you will see a nation in chaos. Political upheaval, spiritual decay and moral depravity are the elements that have become the norm for America. Your writing is meant to be used by God to bring all who read your work back to the knowledge of Him. Fiction, non-fiction, books, poetry, newspapers or magazines—it all can be a vehicle that God uses to speak to a desperate nation.

But is your writing redeemed?

In this year that we live have you sought the Lord? Your gift of writing must be purged just as the prophet’s lips were purged. Let God have His way in your writing. Let God touch your writing with His purifying fire so that it is free from the stain of sin and unburdened from all worldliness.

Then you will be able to say, even as Isaiah said, “Here am I, send me.” And you know what—He will.

©2010
Rev. Michael Duncan
http://michaelduncan.authorweblog.com/

Know God to Know Your Passion

The key to understanding your purpose in life lies in discovering the person you were created to be. Each of us was woven with particular traits – call them gifts, talents, or interests – to be in this moment writing now doing the Father’s work.

Worldly standards step in to distort the vision we each have of that work we are designed and ordained to do. The demands of life and the rules of society cause us to alter our path. Discovering the original path may take time, change and a little reconnecting with the ability to dream.

Do you know why you are here? If you are still struggling to understand the purpose behind the you that you are then join me in the journey to unlock the passion that will allow my words to be a conduit to the Spirit within me.

First Steps to Discovering the Passion

Jeremiah 1:5a “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.”

I am woven by God in a certain manner with a purpose in mind. The passion of my heart will lead to that purpose, but first I have to understand the Weaver to understand the woven.

1. Review how I spend my time. Getting to know someone requires that I consistently spend time in the presence of that someone. I can choose to take time away from my television, my social networking and other pressing events to spend some time connecting with the One that took the time to make me the unique being that I am.


2. Change the focus. The thing that I look to see will be the thing that I see. I change my thoughts by changing my heart and I can only change my heart when I choose to put the things in my eyes and in my ears that will make a difference.


3. Renew the mind.

Romans 12:2a “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Feed the mind the things that will grow the mind. The right provision is all that I need to get through the day and live a life of peace, joy and contentment. Living in that place makes it easier to discover my passion and live on purpose.


4. Defeat discouragement. Nothing can steal passion faster than a down spirit. It focuses on mistakes instead of possibilities. Discouragement drags down the energy blocking motivation. Driving away the discouragement requires that I focus on the good, the positive and the uplifting in my life and surround myself with others that will do that as well.


5. Listen. I can only hear God’s direction when I take the time and put in the effort to HEAR that direction. Then I need to push past procrastination and move on that direction.

It takes commitment to discover who you are woven to be. What are you willing to commit to doing for the next seven days to see the breakthrough begin?

Interlude

Letting go is a skill we use throughout our life. We use it to heal past wounds, release tension and stress and let go of petty,unimportant things. Letting go can be painful, but hanging on becomes more painful. Letting go is a healing process as it allows life to flow again. Letting go takes what was and turns it into a beautiful memory or reframes it into something positive. Letting go allows you to keep what is most valuable with you always in your heart.

Last Friday, letting go was laying to rest the ashes of my son in a beautiful niche at Lincoln Memorial Cemetery and Mausoleum.

For those of you who have followed my blogs over the past year and a half, you were privy to my journey through the death of my son last November of pancreatic cancer. I have written about him overcoming seemingly impossible odds, as he never let his physical handicap stop or slow him down.

In a parting memento to my wonderful son, I would like to share a song written by one of his friends after his death - a song about Don and for Don. I wish I could also post the singing of the song.

True Blue

(for Don Anderson)

Every now and then - The phone would ring

And he would ask me simply - How is everything?

And though I seldom called him - His kinship kept its hue

He was true

True blue

The first time I met him - He was doodling

And again with phantom pen - As he lay fading

From the dawn of the Don - To the midnight gone

He was true

True blue

And sometimes we would wonder - What's in store for him

Whether charcoal clouds would sully - The good lines in him

But even his demons and dragons

Had a wink in the way that he drew

He was true

True blue

When we shared a dinner - I now recall

His kind defense of others - He made room for all

His friends were a colorful gumbo - A spicy and marvelous stew

And we still

Love you

And so we arise from the mourning

With the wiser smiles we've Donned

And the love - Lives on

And the love - Lives on

copyright David Abramson, Feb. 6th, 2010 True Blue

Marlene Anderson, Mother

Novel Craft Workshop ~ Basics: The Dread Elevator Pitch

What's an elevator pitch? It's a business term to describe a brief sales pitch, whether it actually takes place in an elevator or not. For a writer, an elevator pitch centers around a pitch sentence but doesn't stop there. Although this video doesn't specifically address writers, the parallels are interesting. Craft your brief pitch around the four tests in this video and you won't go wrong:

Remember this from our Story Problem and Theme post?

A story problem consists of the following elements:

• Desire -- What does your main character want? This desire drives the plot toward a specific goal.
• Problem -- A shift or change in your protagonist's life causes a problem.
• Cost or risk -- What will the solution cost? What are the risks?
• Solution -- How will your story resolve? Will your main character realize his or her goal -- or not?

Use your story problem and theme to create a pitch sentence. Be sure and add a hook -- something that sparks interest in learning more. Examples:

Story Problem: A grieving widow longs to find happiness again (desire). When a suitor presses her with his attentions (problem), she must let go of the past (cost or risk) in order to realize her goal (solution).

Theme: Is it possible to find happiness by letting go of the past?
Pitch Sentence: A young widow wants to take a chance on a new suitor but what will it cost her to let go of the past?

Story Problem: A teenage boy whose father was murdered wants to make sense out of his father's death (desire). When he discovers the identity of his father's killer (problem), he must set aside his desire to seek revenge (cost or risk) in order to forgive (solution).
Theme: Does revenge make sense of murder?
Pitch Sentence: A teenage boy whose father was murdered faces a life-and-death decision when he discovers the identity of his father's killer.

Story Problem: A young girl who wants to fit in (desire) encounters a bully in a new school (problem). When she faces her fear and confronts the bully (cost or risk), she discovers the bully's cowardice and gains the respect of her classmates (solution).
Theme: Will facing our fears diminish them?
Pitch Sentence: When a bashful young girl enters a new school, she doesn't count on having to face down a bully.

Action Step

Create a pitch sentence for your novel. If you'd like to do so, post it as a comment, below.