Facing Your Fears

Your heart is pounding, the palms of your hands are sweaty and your stomach is doing flip/flops. Why oh why did I agree to do this? I have rehearsed and rehearsed, but suddenly I can't remember the first line of the speech I am supposed to deliver. If that line is gone, how will I remember the rest of the speech. My notes - are they up there on the lectern? What if someone moved them and I suddenly start telling the ending before I start the beginning? And then you hear them introduce you. Your legs feel like rubber. Will I make it to the podem?

One of the greatest fears in people's lives is public speaking. We find ourselves exposed and vulnerable. Or reactions from our peers are so well tuned and crafted by our social skills, that suddenly in the limelight we fear making a fool of ourselves.

Everyone wants to do their best - everyone wants to do it just right - yet we are not perfect, we will make mistakes and it is okay. Once again, we are feeling the extreme stress of fear without a real enemy - but we are geared up to fight (we don't have any need for that) or run (that we want to do). But the only fear is our own fear of failure - of falling short.

So how do we conquer this common fear. Here are some strategies we can use:

1. Join a Toastmasters group. It is a safe place where everyone is experiencing the same thing. It is a great place to become more comfortable speaking. Even if you don't plan on doing any public speaking, it will give you a confidence in any situation.


2. Do some "self" work. Face your own fears of who you are. Everyone has blemishes in their life they want to cover up and conceal and we all want to put on our "perfect" masks. Become honest with yourself. While growing up most of us have felt the sting of catty school girls, unrelenting bullies, being last to be chosen for the team, and just plain called names that we accept as truth and continue to live up to. Those early barbs and real time hurts run deep and we want to protect ourselves. That is natural. Accept who you are, just as you are while you work on removing more of your masks and facades.


3. Practice your speech in front of a mirror. Look at yourself. Don't memorize it. Know your subject matter. Talk about it in a casual coversation with other people.


4. Do some visualization at home each day. Relax in a chair, breathe evenly, close your eyes and see yourself delivering your speech, relaxed and confident. Visualization is a powerful form of rehearsal whether for sports, public speaking or feeling more confident in an upcoming interview.


5. On the day of your speech, focus on calm, even breathing - relax into each breath. Let go of the fear as you breathe out and breathe in confidence.


6. When you go to the podem, take a calm breath and give yourself a moment or two to relax your body - the audience will only think you are using good timing. Smile. When speaking, choose a friendly face or two on each side of the room and direct your words to them - even as you look at others. People will not know you knees are knocking or your palms are sweaty unless you tell them. It isn't necessary. Just go slow - and if you forget something, just relax as you look at your notes. Again, with a speech, timing involves spaces of not talking. When you use this in your own rehearsal, you will find it easier to do when you are standing at the podem.

There are more - but these are some to start with. Think of your audience as friends and you are having a casual conversation with them. If you are too judgmental of yourself, they will pick up on that. Focus on relaxing - not delivering a perfect speech.

Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

copyright 2010

Platform Building 309: Cheap and Easy Wordpress Step Website

Watch a free video on how to get online with inexpensive hosting and a free or inexpensive Wordpress website. To watch a user-friendly video by Laura Roeder, click here. You'll be glad you did.

Gone Fishin'

I know that you want to read some great inspiration for writing, but today I’d rather go fishing. Life is so rushed, so frenetic, so absolutely chaotic that sometimes the best thing to do is just slow down long enough to go fishing. I don’t, but I should… and today might just be the day.

The problem is, I don’t like to go fishing. I’m not an outdoorsman, and I can’t seem to convince those mountain-climbing, bow-hunting, rifle-shooting, rugged-boot wearing men that golf is an outdoor sport. Oh well, maybe I’ll still go fishing. I’m sure I’ve seen fish in those ponds on the golf course.

Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for those who enjoy the rugged world around us. I used to as well. I’ve climbed to the tops of mountains. I earned my marksman badge in the military. I’ve caught salmon ten miles off the Washington coast, and even nearly landed a six-foot shark. That’s not the point.

The point is, everyone needs to find a time to slow down, to relax, to unhinge the crick in the neck and take a moment to live in such a way that their soul can finally breathe again.

The Bible calls it a Sabbath, a day of rest, a day to remember the Lord your God and consider all His wonders. The difficulty comes when you don’t slow down long enough to notice. Have you ever tried to cast a line into the water as you drive by at sixty miles an hour? Consider what it says in Mark 6:31, “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’”

Life is hectic. Jesus experienced this with His disciples and took the necessary move to slow down. Will you do the same? Do you have people in your life who are coming and going, who are pushing and pulling your attention? Do you suffer the pressure of deadlines and schedules? These things are the realities of life and they won’t go away but Jesus has the wisdom to lead His disciples to a time of rest. We must take that wisdom and apply it still today.

I know you hoped to find a great treatise on writing. But right now I’m going to get my golf clubs and go fishing.

©2010
Rev. Michael Duncan

Living or Existing

My friend died yesterday. I say the word “friend” as so many of us have the habit of saying these days – it has the same strength of meaning as the word love in today’s society. I knew the man, but I did not spend time with him on a regular basis. My dad would say he was an acquaintance.

The words that have poured out about him have inspired me to want to do more. I want to be a better friend, a true friend, to those that are left behind. I want to live a life that will have others missing me when I am gone. I want to do more than just exist until my time is spent.

My connections with the outside world are limited to church for the most part – or the internet. I live in a cabin in the woods, home school the kids, and write for a living. If the kids weren’t involved in so many activities then I would never have to leave the property (especially now that I can have groceries delivered right to my home). I know that I am not the only writer struggling to connect.

How do I take the life that I have and turn it to the life that goes beyond mere existence? I have to choose to change through the actions in my day to day living.

Start Living

1. Make one personal connection each day with a friend or family member outside the home. I will never build friendships if I never make an effort to be a friend.


2. Send a letter or note to someone every day. It only takes a few minutes to write up a note, and people appreciate the dying form of letter writing more than even they know.


3. Turn off the television. I say this so often that I think it’s the elephant in my room. I watch too much television and it is creating a life where I exist instead of a life where I live.

Three steps. But with each step I will build a better life for myself and for my family. These steps will give new inspiration to my words. And pushing through these three steps will help me make the connections that will keep me motivated to pursue my dreams.

Are you living or existing? If you find that you are in a place of existing then what will you do differently to begin to live?

CD#8 - Subjective Fear - "What if....."

"She woke to find her bedside lamp still on and the book she had been reading resting in her hands. It was still opened to the same page she had started when she went to bed at 10:30. Reading helped quiet her mind so she could go to sleep. She closed the book and flicked off the light and noticed that the clock only registered 1:30 AM. She was so tired. She closed her eyes, willing her mind to close down. But the thoughts from the day before had already started again along with the whole spectrum of fears and anxieties. The "What if's...."crowded out sleep. What if she was the next to be laid off? What would she do? She had to have this job. When she filed for divorce she knew it wasn't going to be easy, but there was no way she could have anticipated how hard it would be. But given the circumstances it was what she needed to do. Her ex-husband made every interaction between them difficult, sometimes paying child support, sometimes not. She couldn't handle any more stress in her life. She counted every penny in order to pay the mortgage, food and daycare and clipped coupons for groceries; but still had to say "no" to the ice cream cone her daughter wanted. She was saying "no" more and more these days and her heart broke each time. And now, her company was talking about downsizing and laying off more workers. What if she lost her job? Without her job, how would she and her daughter survive? It seemed she was asked to do more and more; already her days were micro-managed down to the last second. And now, she was waking up in the middle of the night and struggling to get back to sleep. Her prayers for strength and survival seemed to vanish into the night along with her ability to sleep."

Fear, anxiety and high levels of stress; the potential danger is just as real as the danger from an intruder in the night. When our mind perceives danger it goes into high gear whether the danger is real or perceived. But when the danger is only a perception - a possibility - the mind continues to keep this fear and anxiety at a level that exhausts the body without moving toward some resolution. High levels of "what if's..." create a stress that is not only exhausting but has a risk of impairing physical health, puts a heavy strain on our emotional health and reduces our efficiency. Our mind responds to expectations and draws us towards a self-fulfilling prophecy. While it is not easy, we have the ability to change the focus of our thinking. Hope believes that God loves us and faith trusts that whatever happens He will be there with us. Along with prayer, however, we need to do our part. I continue with this topic on http://www.focuswithmarlene.blogspot.com/ along with strategies to combat the "what if's...."

Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

copyright 2010

Platform Building 308: Ways to Teach

What information do you know (or can discover) that will benefit others? Answer that question and you'll find subjects to teach. Remember to focus on what your students need to hear rather than your own desire to tell. To grow as a teacher, canvas potential students ahead of time and request feedback from those you teach. 

Ways to teach:

• Mentor other writers one-on-one. Do it with heart.
• Offer critique services to other writers. Assess your own abilities and seek students who can benefit from your experience level.
• Teach in a classroom setting through your community college, county, churches, clubs, and interest groups. Start small and work your way up.
• Develop online e-courses you offer to blog followers or website visitors.
• Conduct webinars.
• Hold Skype sessions.
• Make videos and post them to a public sharing site like youtube.com and/or your blog.
• Develop podcasts.
• Write teaching books, workbooks and manuals.
• Hold workshops and seminars where you speak.

Homework

Pinpoint subjects that will help you develop your platform and/or market your book. Determine how you will teach and set measurable goals broken down into attainable steps to launch yourself as a teacher.

Do Unto Others

“What have you done for me lately?” This question comes up no matter what the subject or who might be involved. Wives ask husbands that ask wives. Employees ask employers that ask employees. The cycle runs around and around with no end in sight.

Until I choose to ask a different question. “What can I do for you?”

Taking the focus off of the things that I need and want and putting that energy into helping others opens up doors of opportunities that might never have been discovered. The benefits that I get from reaching out will lift me up to the success that I desire as a writer.

Putting Others First

• Several years ago, I had the idea to find funding for a local theater group. My degree had given me experience in grant writing and research. The theater needed the funding but my thought was about what I could get out of the project. They would not agree to my requests, so I walked away. Had I found grants and written them then the group may have gotten the funding they needed and a job from them (or from others) might have also materialized for me. Doing nothing only guaranteed that nothing would happen.


• College gave me some unique job opportunities including selling knives. I believed in these knives so much that I have a set of my own. One lady that I went to visit bought a set because it made it easier for her to cook. She had a stroke the year before and had trouble grasping most knives. Her husband saw the receipt and canceled the order. I drove 500 miles, round trip, to show him the knives. Once he saw the benefits then he was willing to pay the price. Helping others meet a need meets my needs.


• My husband read about a lady that had died in her home. The only reason anyone knew about her death was because neighbors complained to officials about the overgrown grass in her yard. He packed up his mower and drove to the neighboring town to mow the yard. His heart ached to not be able to do more for the woman that was missed by no one. There was no payment for his effort and no reimbursement that drove him to do what he did. Someone found out about his good deed and sent him a check for his work in the mail. Good deeds do NOT go unrewarded.

Full time writers need to make a living and the dollar sign often gets in the way of passion and purpose. Fretting over finances can even keep writers from writing or keep us focused on the wrong things to write.

Making money is essential for the full time freelance writer, but the money must never become the bottom line. People can spot the motives of a politicians, salespeople and writers. When you start writing for the dollar and stop looking at how what you write benefits the readers then that will be the moment that you will lose the readers you desire to gain.

What reasons and motivations drive your writing?

CD#7 - Fear

"As I shut off the lights moving from the darkened kitchen, down the hall to the entrance way and beyond to the living room, I felt a pervasive sense of unease. But then I usually did when I was home alone at night. A beautiful open stairway wound up from the entrance way to the second floor of our home. What if someone was lurking on the stairwell? They could jump out at me in the dark. Why am I walking through the house in the dark anyway? Oh nonsense. I just have an over active imagination.

I quickly turned on the living room lights walking briskly to the end of the room and sat down at the baby grand paino and started practicing. It was summer, the night was warm and the sliding doors to the deck were open. I could see my neighbor's house in the distance beyond my back yard. A dog barked. "How silly I am," I chided myself about the lingering unease I had. Yet, somehow, this uneasyness stayed. It wouldn't go away.

What was that? My heightened awareness was sure I had heard a noise on the stairs. I stopped practicing and looked back toward the entrance way. Was I imagining the slight movement I thought I saw? I could not see the stairs, only the front door. Was that someone moving toward the door? In my bravest voice, I called out boldly, "Hello - is anyone there?" thinking all the while how stupid it sounded as I heard myself speak. If I wasn't careful I would wake the kids asleep upstairs.

Okay, if I was going to put this niggling fear to rest, I would have to go investigate. At the last minute I picked up a hymn book - if someone was there I could always hit them over the head. I walked purposefully to the entrance way, but just before I reached it, he jumped out. "Yes, there is," came the semi-bold reply."

Fear. Healthy fear listens to the pit of the stomach and the thoughts of unease that tell you something may not be right. You may be at the mall, going to your car in underground parking malls, walking on streets alone at night or walking on nature trails by yourself. If you are feeling unease, that may be something to pay attention to. Healthy fear tells you to be careful and take precaution. The above story is true. However, the outcome ended favorably with no one getting harmed. But that might not have been the case.

We fear so many things. Fear is an emotion that is there to protect us from danger. We can spend way too much time fearing things that are not really dangerous to us physically, and too little time paying attention to authentic fear that tells us, "Be careful, you may be in danger." Listen to your fear. Give it credence. When home alone, as a precaution, keep doors and windows locked. If you have a feeling of danger, listen to it and take precautionary measures. Call a neighbor if you are alone and feel unsure of what is happening. They can be on the line while you investigate. Always be aware of your surroundings when you are out at malls, etc. Don't be so distracted by finding the keys to your car, texting, talking on your cell, etc. that you are not aware of what is going on around you. That is not being hypersensitive - that is simply being careful and cautious in a world that is not always kind and trustworthy.

Marlene Anderson

Copyright 2010

Platform Building 307: Become a Teacher

I stared at my fellow musical theater cast member. "Who's your vocal coach?"

The young girl repeated the name I couldn't believe I'd heard. How could a first-year music student we'll call Leah, set up shop when I, in my third year of music theory and my fifth year of voice training, didn't yet feel qualified to teach? I kept my (rather tart) opinion to myself, however. Looking back now, I'm grateful I did. Leah was on to something. She went established herself as a voice teacher while I turned away from music to work in insurance. Why? For personal reasons, I decided not to go into opera. Even if that hadn't been the case, I couldn't afford to starve while waiting for my big break, and I never felt "good enough" to teach.

Unlike Leah, I failed to see that "perfect" doesn't exist. Yes, I was on my own journey to train my talent, but I still had a lot to offer. The truth is, no matter where you are on a ladder, there's always someone below you who needs a hand up. If you're called to teach, don't wait for perfection to share what you know. 

When I established Author Haven, I had to take a step of faith and accept that it's okay I'm learning right alongside you. I don't have to know everything or be perfect to teach others. I just have to be willing to stand in front of the class and find out what we all need to know. That's all I'm doing. If you're called to teach, I urge you to do the same.

Homework

If you think you're called to teach, brainstorm for subjects. Do that these week, and next week we'll investigate ways to reach students. 

Conflicts and Choices

The annual Highland Games took place today in Mount Vernon, Washington. It’s an exciting time for me because I have Scottish blood. I am a descendant of ancient highlanders, a clan of warriors whose motto is: “Disce Pati” or, “learn to suffer.” (The sunburn I received will prove that motto true.) My name “Duncan” means “Dark Warrior.” Perhaps that is why I preach the word of God with little concern for people’s entertainment.

However, a ministry need rose up in the church, a longtime member of the community had died and some members of the church wanted me at the funeral which was scheduled to take place during the games. I now I had a choice: do I take my family to the games or attend to the need of the church? Someone is destined for disappointment.

Conflict.

Stories are built on conflict. Lives are built on conflict. Faith is built on conflict. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Conflicts come, but victory is found in the choices made. We call it a crisis, but the word “crisis” simply means “crossroad.” And a crossroad is simply a choice.

You can choose to pray. You can choose to ignore your faith. You can choose to send in a manuscript. You can choose to get discouraged by the frustration of rejection. You can choose to sit in the quiet stillness and write that story. You can choose to think that you have nothing to offer. Your victory is waiting for you to make a choice.

Now, the rest of the story: As you might have guessed, I went out with my family and attended the games. We saw swordplay, bagpipes (an instrument of torture for some) and kilts everywhere! We navigated through the crowds, spent time looking at the history and legacy of Scotland, and generally enjoyed the afternoon.

I made a choice and found victory with my children, with my wife, and with my own conscience. Somewhere, in front of you right now, there is a choice to make. Your victory might be found through one more conflict as you make the right choice.

©2010
Rev. Michael Duncan

Platform Building 306: Become a Student

Some people can get farther than others on talent alone but every artistic ability needs training. Even natural writers benefit from learning their craft. Don't get carried away with the desire for publication before you ever becoming a student of writing. And, even if you are ready for publication, you're not done learning. That's a lifelong process for writers. Besides, you can list your educational credits in a cover letter.

• Read -- I can't name the number of writers I've met who tell me they don't read. If you don't read, your writing can't benefit from the things you can pick up from writing masters. Also, what happens if you wind up being interviewed live? It's natural for interviewers to assume writers read widely.
• Write -- The simple act of writing itself will teach you. Write something, and then lay it aside for a time. When you return to it, let yourself learn from your mistakes. Rinse and repeat.
• Draft from Others -- Pick up books on writing from recognized masters of the craft. Go to conferences or workshops or seminars (to name a few ways to connect). Take notes. When you return home, review them and then practice your new skills.
• Listen to Others -- Let others who are knowledgeable give you feedback on your writing. That might mean submitting to a critique group, finding a critique partner or even paying a mentor to guide you.
• Enroll in School -- You can go to school, either in person or online. I gained a background in writing through Christian Writers Guild.

Homework

Determine what you need to study next and decide how you will do that. Schedule the steps needed to make your goal a reality. Happy studying!

 What are some ways you know to learn?

The many faces of Stress

Last week a very dear friend of mine came to visit and during her stay I got a firsthand account of the many severe stresses facing single women and single parents during this financial downturn. While she helped me record my first two podcasts for http://www.focuswithmarlene.blogspot.com/ and http://www.healingheartsandmind.blogspot.com/ she shared with me the fear and anxiety of so many women she knew who felt as though at any moment their life was over. I decided I needed to revisit stress again and so this next month's character development will deal with fear and anxiety and panic. For those who would like more in depth information and strategies on stress, follow my blog spots and podcasts.

Just as there is with anger, there are many faces of fear. As we gain a better understanding of the complexity of emotions we feel in different situations, and the thoughts and beliefs attached to them, I hope that information will be useful both in terms of personal development as well as character development in writing. Since I don't write fiction I don't mean to be presumptuous, but as an insatiable reader, counselor and student and teacher of the science of psychology, I hope that what I have learned may be helpful in your endeavors - both personally and in writing.

Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

copyright 2010

Surprise Guest Post: Learn Why Cara Putman Can't Wait for the ACFW Conference

I can't Wait! ACFW Conference is Coming!!!!

Why do I get so excited about conference? At the conference I've met each of the editors I've worked with. At the conference I've gotten to know them, and hopefully they've gotten to know me. We gained a sense of each other's personalities before contracts were offered.

At the conference, I learn from some of the best teachers on the craft of fiction writer. Last year Donald Maass taught the early bird. This year, James Scott Bell is. Last year I attended the published author track led by Allen Arnold, Thomas Nelson fiction publisher, and Karen Ball, the fiction guru at B&H. This year I'll sit in on the track by Michael Hauge, a Hollywood screenwriting expert. Even though I attended a retreat he taught at last year I can't wait to learn more from him this year.

But ACFW has tracks for all levels of writers. A track for those just starting led by Tracie and Jim Peterson. A track for those who've been writing a bit led by Susan May Warren and Rachel Hauck. A track on mastering Structure, Symbols, and 3-D characters with Dr. Dennis Hensley. A track for more advanced writers with Gayle Roper. For those with a contract or at least one book out there's also a marketing track led by Chip MacGregor and Jim Rubart -- I attended an extended version in December and it was excellent! And those are just the continuing education tracks. That doesn't begin to touch on all the wonderful elective workshops.

I also can't wait to see friends that I only get to see once or twice a year -- usually at ACFW. Writing can be such a solitary business.

There's so much I love about conference. Volunteering. Celebrating as people receive their first contracts from Heartsong Presents and Barbour. Meeting with my agent and editors. Hugging my friends. Learning how to do this better. Leading First Time Orientation to ease the way for newbies.

Think about joining us. You won't regret it!

Stars in the Night is Cara Putman’s ninth novel and eleventh book. An attorney and sometimes lecturer at a Big Ten University, Cara lives in Indiana with her husband and three children. You can learn more about Cara and her books at Http://www.caraputman.com.

Plan the Down Time

Many pregnant women go through a phase just before birth known as nesting. Some people told me that it was nature’s way of preparing for the baby. My thoughts lean more towards mom. Cleaning, cooking meals and organizing all help give the new mom a break after going through the trials of labor.

Writers should consider this nesting idea to help recover from large projects. Completing a novel can take a lot out of a writer. Giving a speech to a large crowd leaves the well rather dry. Having some down time allows the writer to recharge and the imagination to begin flowing once again.

Rules for Down Time

1. Have a stop time – set a limit to the amount of time you will take off before starting the next project. Limits may be set according to the task that was completed, or you may want to consider the mental or physical requirements of each individual task.


2. Let others know – your friends and family should know that you are taking a break. Let them know that you do not plan to do anything that requires thought or effort outside of your relaxation plan (and yes, that does include chores).


3. Make a relaxation plan – write out those things that you can do to rejuvenate your mind and spirit and then put those ideas into action.


4. Prepare to relax – just like with the nesting mother-to-be, getting ready to take time off may mean doing a big clean. The best preparation may mean putting together meals for the refrigerator or freezer. Overall organization can help you (and those around you) get ready for your moment of down time.


5. Create a plan of return – set up small tasks that will build to larger tasks to begin easing you back into the steady schedule of work that will prepare you to tackle that next big project.

Big projects can take more out of your mind, body and spirit than you realize. Setting aside some time without stress or deadlines may be the perfect formula to prepare you to move on to that next big thing.